where do i begin.......?

for too long i have spoken from my pain,
and not my truth.

My family,
my children,
whys and why i am so alone here.

My friends.

Lost
Empty
gone
spoken
through clenched fists
deep hurt
struggle
trauma
old past ruin triggered by nothing or something calling the flood
of feeling
buried water
past

like karma

like pain

too long i have not uttered truth
and if i dare
even if
i am wrong

if i dare to speak
-how will you hear me?

With open ears
or
closed minds

open hearts
or
clenched fists.

Choose your rebelion,
but do not fight me,
not anymore.

Noone here can fight me,
it is not a challenge,
it is a kind of promise.



From when i miss you,
and thought we could dream things real...
i always said; if you can feel it, you can make it real....




i cannot stop myself now.
I am burning on the bridge between the worlds......

Let me kindle.

Alight.

Touch me.

burn.

It is soft, like feathers or breath.
It is light, like hope or feeling good...

like breathing out.

I am breathing out

all my sickness, struggle, pursuits..

breathing out...
all my shit...

all of me ....out....



I am guided by footsteps....it is as if....i remember, but do not know.......Once, i must have known, and i wonder at all that i have lost to get where i am now, how much of me has become part of this sacrifice...and what for? To be known, to become, to remember......my journey retold an endless times, so meaningfull.....each tiny aspect recalled to my heart to be breathed into light life, become love......to become love again......

i shall be born through my love, i am certain of that. i can feel what is and will be but have forgotten what it looks like. When i see i feel like saying "yes! that is it!!!"...but i cannot always find the right words.......and am too absorbed to stay in touch with the truth and not the feeling.....but i am centering.
It is part of the becoming, the remembering.

I have nowhere to go.

I am here already.

Yes. The remembering.

What do you remember, love?

Where do you think you came from?
What do you feel you are?

Speak to me in your silence, when no-one is around. Talk to me as if i were yourself, your heart, the sky or love....gentle stillness, dusk and dawn.....Look and find me in everything you see,Can you feel it? Is it you seeking me or me seeking you?...Be present.....you will find me. I am here, in your moment, within all things. You are my gift, and i am yours. You are my love, become my love and you will know me. Become love, become one with me and open up to our divine journey.
Togetherness is our purpose, here and now.

i will wait for you to speak.
so

i am waiting......

welcome b(l)ack

come come whoever you are.
Wonderer worshipper lover of leaving
even if you have broken your vow a thousand times before.
Come.


Ours is not the caravan of despair,
come.

no more buts

you have always run away.
You think you are being chased.
It is your sad story.

You tell it often.

It is your ticket onto the train.

"but"

I have been here for long also.

Before the tracks were laid.

When mountains had names and songs still in their hearts,
when we could remember.....

Shall i speak?

Or hold my breath?

What do you know of change?



You are still blaming Them.

But they have gone home.

They have caught the last train home, and now they wait to see who you will point at.

It is not us,
It is you.

It is time to wake up from your dream.

You are old, yes, but not so clever.

You can read, and rewrite things.

You can see.

But you do not understand.

Come and listen,

I am at the mouth of the spring, the source,

i come from within.

Will you sit and listen?

I know how to make the change.

Do you want to learn?

I know you can do it..., but,..Jah man..

I know you can
you are special
I knew this
since
my eyes met with
every
and
each
one of you
but
Jah man
Has been
in this Babylon
so long
I needed you to understand
I believe
in what I have done
people
have the power to go in many directions
but
Jah man
has been
in the train
for long
late
late
Drama workshop
have fun
ras babi
is not
that important
I love you all
each
and every one
somehow
energies
meet
indeed.

Change.

so we move.

Let go of your disbelief.

Let go of your fear, your pain, your sorrow, regret.

Now we have changed.

What shall we hold?

Each others hands...

......and jump.


I believe we can fly.

And i am proud to die trying

with You.




we will die.....

.....But the higher we climb,

the longer we will have in the air......

I quit...

Sweet dream...
I quit
they can buy you
not me
you gave them your hand

it has been long
since we have met
for the first time
cold
lonely
you were
look at you now

fuc....
fuc....
you are damaging my head
what is wrong with you?
I thought you believed in the people
look at you

maybe
I am wrong
I am the one
who sings
a solo song
in your dream
not in my soul dream
it is just a piece of land

I quit it
I quit it
I quit it
I quit u
sweet dream
clean me
before
selling me

seekers.....-what?

wake up.
Please.