where do i begin.......?

for too long i have spoken from my pain,
and not my truth.

My family,
my children,
whys and why i am so alone here.

My friends.

Lost
Empty
gone
spoken
through clenched fists
deep hurt
struggle
trauma
old past ruin triggered by nothing or something calling the flood
of feeling
buried water
past

like karma

like pain

too long i have not uttered truth
and if i dare
even if
i am wrong

if i dare to speak
-how will you hear me?

With open ears
or
closed minds

open hearts
or
clenched fists.

Choose your rebelion,
but do not fight me,
not anymore.

Noone here can fight me,
it is not a challenge,
it is a kind of promise.



From when i miss you,
and thought we could dream things real...
i always said; if you can feel it, you can make it real....




i cannot stop myself now.
I am burning on the bridge between the worlds......

Let me kindle.

Alight.

Touch me.

burn.

It is soft, like feathers or breath.
It is light, like hope or feeling good...

like breathing out.

I am breathing out

all my sickness, struggle, pursuits..

breathing out...
all my shit...

all of me ....out....



I am guided by footsteps....it is as if....i remember, but do not know.......Once, i must have known, and i wonder at all that i have lost to get where i am now, how much of me has become part of this sacrifice...and what for? To be known, to become, to remember......my journey retold an endless times, so meaningfull.....each tiny aspect recalled to my heart to be breathed into light life, become love......to become love again......

i shall be born through my love, i am certain of that. i can feel what is and will be but have forgotten what it looks like. When i see i feel like saying "yes! that is it!!!"...but i cannot always find the right words.......and am too absorbed to stay in touch with the truth and not the feeling.....but i am centering.
It is part of the becoming, the remembering.

I have nowhere to go.

I am here already.

Yes. The remembering.

What do you remember, love?

Where do you think you came from?
What do you feel you are?

Speak to me in your silence, when no-one is around. Talk to me as if i were yourself, your heart, the sky or love....gentle stillness, dusk and dawn.....Look and find me in everything you see,Can you feel it? Is it you seeking me or me seeking you?...Be present.....you will find me. I am here, in your moment, within all things. You are my gift, and i am yours. You are my love, become my love and you will know me. Become love, become one with me and open up to our divine journey.
Togetherness is our purpose, here and now.

i will wait for you to speak.
so

i am waiting......